The Drawing Board
by livezinshadowz
Summary: A collection of varying plot ideas and concepts. First chapter: Obito's plans didn't stop just because he was beaten by the Fourth Hokage. He would see vengeance upon Konoha. Which is how Kisame ends up taking care of a fledgling Naruto in the Hidden Mist.


Uchiha Obito rematerialized in a cave, blood dripping down his left arm. The limb would recover in time, though his pride and plans had taken quite a beating.

Namikaze Minato had never seemed to teleport as fast as he did when trying to protect his newborn son and the village he was charged with defending. It said something about the man that Obito had so drastically underestimated his former teacher, even after bearing witness to his abilities firsthand in his youth, but that wouldn't stop him from pushing forward with his goals.

In fact, it made him want to enact them even faster.

Granted, there were certain holdups to that – with the Bijū scattered across the Elemental Nations, it would take years for the fledgling Akatsuki organization to collect the necessary resources to implement the Moon's Eye Plan – but Obito had learned patience from one of Konoha's founders. Just because there had been a hiccup in his vengeance didn't mean he couldn't press onward in a more minor capacity.

And why shouldn't he? He had an entire country at his command, just waiting to do his bidding. Konoha may have stalled his plans for the Kyūbi – not to mention its own destruction at the hands of the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox – but it had merely delayed the inevitable. In order to deal with the released Kyūbi, Konoha had only one of two options: create a new Jinchūriki, or seal the beast within an inanimate object, like Suna had done with the One-Tail.

Regardless of the outcome, the Hidden Leaf's defenses were weakened and in chaos, making it the perfect time to strike.

It certainly wasn't the first time he'd employed such a stratagem.

After the Hidden Mist's plan of using his love interest Rin as a vessel to summon the Sanbi within Konoha had failed, the Third Mizukage had been forced to reseal the Three-Tailed Giant Turtle elsewhere. The chosen party had been a teenager with gray hair and pupil-less pink eyes by the name of Yagura, and not long afterwards, Obito had inserted himself quite forcefully into the young man's life, placing him under a powerful genjutsu and gaining access to the Bijū within. Using that power, Yagura had overthrown the Mizukage and gained the title himself, all while serving as the puppet of the young Uchiha.

Only one other person knew that the Fourth Mizukage was not as he appeared, and if Obito wanted to see his vengeance come to an early fruition, he would need the man's assistance.

-l-l-l-

Hoshigaki Kisame observed his teammates from his position against one of the Land of Fire's sturdy trees, beady yellow eyes taking in their relaxed appearances. Even for the entirety of the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen of the Mist, taking on the Hidden Leaf Village was no mean feat, its weakened state notwithstanding.

Thankfully (or perhaps not, considering the bloodthirsty nature of most of the group's members), their mission wasn't to defeat the Hidden Leaf.

Kisame didn't know why Madara was suddenly so interested in the Kyūbi, especially since Kiri already had both the Three- and Six-Tails under its command, but it wasn't his place to question orders. He hadn't done so when Fuguki had told him to kill his teammates rather than let them fall into the hands of the enemy (coincidentally, Leaf shinobi), and he hadn't done so when Madara had requested that he begin working towards Akatsuki's goals in order to pursue his own goal of living in a world without lies; shinobi were bred to follow the commands of their superiors.

"Hey, newbie, you got the target yet?"

Kisame shifted his gaze to spy Akebino Jinin crouched off to the side, hands gripping both the axe-blade and hammer of Kabutowari. The man was short, with a topknot of brown hair and a thin goatee contrasted by his large nose. He was one of the longest-standing members of the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen, as well as a former comrade – if they could be called that – of Suikazan Fuguki, whom Kisame had killed to become the wielder of Samehada.

"Yeah, Fuguki woulda sniffed him out already," ribbed Kuriarare Kushimaru in his reedy voice, crouched on a limb above Jinin. The ANBU member was long-limbed and rail thin, a perfect match to the legendary longsword Nuibari. Like Jinin, Kushimaru had been a member of several incarnations of the Swordsmen, and as such, had little patience for the inception of new recruits.

"Leave the newbie alone, Kushimaru, he's probably just _shy_ ," remarked Munashi Jinpachi with a sarcastic chuckle. He was of average height and possessed long, dark brown hair that was parted into multiple strands by green beads; a pair of beads split his beard in two as well. His left eye was covered by a patch, and his thin lips always seemed to carry a smirk. He had joined not long after Kushimaru, Jinin, and Fuguki had returned from a failed mission within the Land of Fire, and while he and the former were often partnered together on missions, they also lived to contradict one another.

Kisame smirked at those who ridiculed him. "Heh, I actually found the target a while ago, just wanted to make sure your old bodies were rested up enough to retrieve 'im."

Kushimaru's porcelain mask turned to stare at him while Jinin scowled. Hōzuki Mangetsu laughed. "Hey, I like this one, he's got some real guts to him."

Kisame shot the white-haired male an amused grin, flashing two rows of shark-like teeth. Mangetsu was one of the Hidden Mist's rare prodigies, a year younger than the 17-year-old Hoshigaki and already capable of wielding all of the Swordsmen's weapons with some proficiency. He was currently leaning on his main (and default) weapon of choice, the twinsword Hiramekarei, purple eyes gazing out into the distance longingly.

"Great, can we hurry this up already, then?"

"What's the rush, Ameyuri?" Kushimaru mocked. "The warm weather irritating your sinuses?"

Ringo Ameyuri, the only female member of the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen, sniffed. Her long, plum-colored hair whipped around as she shot the ANBU member a scathing look. Lightning sparked between the tips of Kiba, the pair of katana that were said to be able to cut through anything. It was a well-known fact that Ameyuri was dying from an incurable disease, but no one knew quite how long she had left.

None of that prevented the other members – all of whom knew nothing about sentimentality – from taking potshots at her when they got the chance.

Ameyuri opened her mouth to retort, but a far younger, yet gruff, voice interjected, "Shut up. Let's go spill some blood."

Momochi Zabuza was another of Kiri's prodigies, specializing – if it could be called that – in the art of murder; he was the youngest member of the Swordsmen, only 14, and the blade he wielded – Kubikiribōchō – was a giant cleaver larger than he was tall.

He also had a point; his last utterance was greeted with the bloodthirsty grins of his teammates – with the exception of Kushimaru, whose expression was covered by his mask – their unnaturally pointed teeth glinting in the moonlight. Jinpachi hefted the blastsword Shibuki off his shoulder and looked off in the direction of the Hidden Leaf. "Let's make some noise."

It was the first mission Kisame ran with the full roster of Swordsmen.

-l-l-l-

Kisame followed Samehada's strange gurgling down the streets of Konoha, allowing the sword to lead him to the target. Mangetsu followed just behind him, serving as his defense for any unexpected hindrances.

Not that they really thought there would be too many – that, after all, was the entire purpose of the remaining five Swordsmen.

As if on cue, a massive explosion went off in the east. Seconds later, streaks of lightning illuminated the dark from a point north of that. Kisame ignored it all as he was trained to do and turned to run through Konoha's back alleys, on the lookout for any indication of what Madara wanted.

Eventually, Samehada's strange method of communicating led him and Mangetsu to a large compound which he guessed housed one of the Hidden Leaf's prominent clans. Jumping over the wall, he ran along the pathways that led to the center of the compound, musing at the lack of security and occupancy. If his target truly was the Kyūbi, as Madara had told him, there should have been guards protecting the container. His career had taught him that information was invaluable, but the power granted by the greatest of the Bijū would be even greater still; it was why the Mizukage was both feared and revered, having mastered the power of the Three-Tailed Giant Turtle.

" _ **Mizudeppō: Nichō!**_ "

Kisame offered a peripheral glance to Mangetsu, who had two katana floating in his liquefied body. His pointer fingers were extended in a shooting gesture, water blasting from their tips as modified bullets and lodging themselves in the brains of the two ANBU who had attacked him. More masked shinobi descended on the Hōzuki, forcing him to grab the dual-hilted Hiramekarei from his back and swing it in an arc; his laughter echoed in the night's stillness.

Leaving his white-haired teammate to his own devices, Kisame continued his journey to the center of the compound. Finally reaching a door where Samehada startled bristling and gurgling with excitement, he rammed it down and was immediately greeted with a powerful fire technique. Hastily making the appropriate signs, he expelled a contained deluge of water that quenched the flames and settled into a two-foot layer of liquid on the floor.

Taking a brief moment to glance around, he spied a bassinet in the corner and immediately guessed that to be the source of Samehada's glee.

With most of his jutsu comprised of large-scale water techniques, Kisame knew he was relatively limited with what he could use while also not risking the life of the apparent Jinchūriki. Even Samehada would be less than ideal to wield, given the sword's size, his own height, and the comparatively cramped quarters they were fighting in.

As much as he wanted to dirty his own hands with the blood of his opponent, the mission came first. _**Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu**_ , he thought, forming the Tiger seal and summoning a triad of water clones. They rushed forward and quickly overwhelmed the single shinobi, working together to trap him shortly in a sphere of water.

His opponent taken care of, he walked over to the bassinet and peered into it. Inside, a baby boy with blond hair and tears leaking from his eyes greeted him, face scrunched up and mouth open in a wail; the battle must have woken him up and disguised his cries, Kisame mused. Not knowing the first thing about babies, and deciding that carrying the newborn around while trying to escape the Hidden Leaf was both dangerous and cumbersome, he brought Samehada forward and allowed the sword's giant tongue to wrap around the child, swaddling him securely within its mouth and muffling his cries. "No chewing," he warned the sword mockingly. He offered the drowning shinobi trapped within his Water Prison Technique a toothy grin and salute. "Thanks for the hospitality."

He found Mangetsu outside the building, a trail of broken and bleeding bodies leading back to where they'd entered the compound. "You got it?"

Kisame patted the hilt of Samehada. "Yeah, let's get out of here."

They took off for the forest at top speed, moving towards the coast to head back to the Land of Water. There was no signal to send out to alert the remaining Swordsmen as to the completion of their mission, nor were Kisame or Mangetsu required to double back and let them know. It wasn't atypical for Kirigakure to have teammates sacrificed for the good of the mission – as Kisame was all too aware – and the Swordsmen (especially the older ones) were all capable of fending for themselves.

"Any idea why Mizukage-sama wants…whatever this thing is?"

"Heh, like he ever tells us anything."

Mangetsu smirked at him. "Too true."

Both perked to attention as two more presences made themselves known, but then relaxed when they revealed themselves to be Ameyuri and Zabuza. The former was pale, but a grin decorated her lips and blood dripped down Kiba's blades; Zabuza's bandages and clothing were flecked with more blood, but Kubikiribōchō was completely clean…in fact, if Kisame had to guess, it looked to be in even better condition than when they'd entered the Hidden Leaf, gleaming like new in the moonlight. "Either you were successful in your mission or you're a bigger coward than Jinpachi thought," Ameyuri cracked.

"Orders are orders," Kisame replied. "If Jinpachi was more capable, maybe he would've been tasked with the actual retrieval rather than being a diversion."

Ameyuri cackled. "I like you, newbie. You've got moxie."

"Where are the others?" Mangetsu asked.

"Who cares?" Zabuza retorted.

"Such compassion," came Kushimaru's voice.

"The ideal shinobi," added Jinpachi, sarcastic pride lacing his tone.

"The gang's all here," Ameyuri remarked. "Except for Jinin, anyway."

"He's pretty damn slow," Kushimaru said. "Always used to take him forever to meet up with us."

The sextet moved along in relative silence from there, all prepared for either Leaf shinobi to be tailing them or for Jinin to appear. When neither occurred, they rested for three hours within the Land of Fire, two members keeping watch at all times. It would take another two to three days to reach the Hidden Mist, and there were few stopping places between their current location and their home. Samehada regurgitated the blond baby during their rest, and the group of trained assassins exchanged confused expressions at how to properly care for the wailing child. After (unsuccessfully) trying to fob the boy off on Ameyuri – during which the kunoichi threatened to kill Kushimaru and Jinpachi, both of whom claimed she was well-suited to motherhood – Kisame released a grateful sigh when Mangetsu plucked the newborn from his arms and began to care for him. He had a kid brother not much older, he explained quietly to Kisame, and knew a little bit about watching over the young.

It was still leaps and bounds ahead of what the other five Swordsmen combined knew.

They made it to the designated rendezvous point the next day – the ruins of the Land of Whirlpools – and boarded Kiri's fastest ship back to the Bloody Mist Village.

Akebino Jinin never showed up.

It was the last mission all Seven Shinobi Swordsmen of the Mist ran together.

-l-l-l-

"Here," Kisame said, handing the baby over to Madara. "He's all yours."

"Good work," praised the Uchiha. "Namikaze Naruto…you've caused me quite a bit of trouble…"

"We lost Jinin," Kisame told his superior, "and Kabutowari."

"A small price to pay."

"They've probably fallen into Konoha's hands."

"That is no longer our concern."

Kisame frowned, but quickly schooled his features and said nothing else. He would be hard-pressed to admit it – especially to someone as powerful as Madara – but the dismissal in the Uchiha's tone didn't sit right with him. There were two things the swordsman cherished: truth, and the strength of kenjutsu practitioners. Jinin may have been an ass, and the Swordsmen hardly considered themselves comrades, but he was still one of the original members, and the loss of him and Kabutowari was a blow to both Kirigakure's pride and manpower.

Beady yellow eyes flickered over to where Yagura, the Fourth Mizukage in name only, stood motionless, pink eyes dull. If the Mist's leader was in control of his own mind, Kisame was sure he would demand retribution for the loss and a recovery team to be sent out to retrieve the Helmet-Splitter. Granted, Yagura wouldn't have put them in that situation in the first place, but the point remained that even if he had, he would have also paid respects to Jinin's sacrifice and not ignored the loss of the dontō.

"Well, since you've got what you wanted, I'm outta here."

"No, not yet."

"What, you need something else? Diapers maybe?"

"Nothing so simplistic," came the response, the blue man's sarcasm going ignored. He held the baby out to Kisame. "Your new mission will be to oversee this child."

"If you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly bred for childrearing," remarked the swordsman cynically. "I do mutilation, not babysitting."

"This child is the Jinchūriki to the Kyūbi, and is integral to my plans," Madara told him. "As you're the only person who knows of my existence here, you're the only one I can task with watching over him."

"That's great and all, but I don't know a thing about raising a kid."

"You don't need to raise him, you just need to keep him protected until his time comes." Madara dropped the blond baby in his arms and walked past him; Kisame held the child awkwardly, not sure what to do with him. "Find a nursemaid and have her coddle him for all I care, but make sure he stays well."

"And where are you going?"

"I have a country to continue running as well as an organization to oversee. Don't fail me, Kisame." Then he warped away, leaving just the sword-user and the shadow-ruled Yagura in the room.

Kisame snorted. "Whatever you say, Mizukage-sama."

-l-l-l-

Kisame was surprised when there was no immediate retaliation by Konoha to reclaim its stolen Jinchūriki. With Jinin's likely capture or death and the features and skills of the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen fairly well-known, the Hidden Leaf shouldn't have had any doubt as to where its missing demon container was. Still, despite his expectations, no Leaf shinobi ever showed up on Kirigakure's doorstep…though Kisame would've been thrilled if they had. He'd been relegated to easy missions since being put on babysitting duty, if he got to go out at all, and the lack of murder and carnage while also being trapped within Kirigakure proper was making him claustrophobic and…jittery.

The sword-wielder attributed most of Konoha's lack of response to Kiri's location. Separated from the mainland by at least a two-day boat ride, the Hidden Mist wasn't the most easily accessible village to the rest of the world. Nor did any of the other Elemental Nations possess either the strength of Kiri's navy or the skilled _**Suiton**_ specialists that could prevent enemy forces from even docking within the Land of Water.

Plus, between the Kyūbi attack, the Fourth Hokage's demise, and then the Swordsmen's assault, the Hidden Leaf's forces were probably in shambles. None of that prevented Kisame from being vigilant to the possibility of an attack, but it did explain why such an attack wasn't forthcoming.

In fact, Kiri was in more danger from its own inhabitants than any outside forces. The Seven Shinobi Swordsmen, once the Hidden Mist's elite killing squad, quickly became a dagger poised to slit the village's throat.

Kushimaru and Jinpachi were the first to go. Apparently in protest to the lack of respect for Jinin and his sword (and therefore the Swordsmen themselves), both older men went on a small killing spree – including the former's teacher in the ANBU and the latter's brother – before defecting to become nukenin. So far, neither had been found, though Kisame wasn't sure what was actually being done to do so.

Ameyuri was next. Bedridden by her disease, she'd been unable to resist as Kurosuki Raiga, her protégé, killed her in her sleep and then stole the thunderswords Kiba. Weaker than his teacher – not to mention the other members of the Swordsmen – he still managed to slip out of Kiri and escape beyond the nation's grasp.

The fact that Kiri's attention was simultaneously being divided by an internal rebellion (spearheaded by the _kekkei genkai_ clans of the Land of Water) revolting against Yagura's reign probably helped him.

The civil disobedience also sparked something in Zabuza. Disabused with the way the Fourth Mizukage was running the Hidden Mist, the so-called Demon of the Mist led a brief and ineffective coup that resulted in him fleeing the village with his life. With each disappearance, Kiri lost its legendary blades, until all that remained in its possession were Samehada and Hiramekarei, along with a tentative loyalty in both Kisame and Mangetsu.

If Kisame was honest with himself, the idea of following in his predecessors' footsteps was…tempting. Yagura – or more specifically, Madara – had driven Kirigakure into a state of turmoil with his machinations, and the civil war and Bloodline Limit purges that were occurring were contrary to the world the swordsman envisioned. He wanted to shed blood, but not that of his countrymen if it could be helped, and especially not for such a weak cause.

He was no longer so disillusioned to believe that blindly following the orders of his superiors was the correct thing to do. Unfortunately, rebelling against Madara was a fool's errand, and as he'd learned in his workings with Fuguki, it was better to get close to the target in order to gain his confidence before betraying him.

A muffled _whump_ drew his full attention as Samehada crossed against its opponent; Mangetsu flashed a sharp-toothed grin at Kisame over the bandages keeping Hiramekarei bound. "Is that it, Kisame-senpai? Where's the pizzazz?"

"I told you that if you called me that again, I'd rip off a leg," growled the older shinobi with dark humor. "And at least I don't gotta cheat to use my sword." With the Hōzuki's skintight, black, sleeveless shirt – along with his greyish-lavender pants and Kiri's typical grey-blue, striped legwarmers – it was easy to see the muscles bulging along his arms.

"Aww, you know how heavy it is, senpai…or maybe I should remind you! _**Hiramekarei Kaihō!**_ "

Kisame's grin grew when nothing happened, and he pressed his advantage, leveraging Samehada into the concave cutout of the twinsword and pulling down. Hiramekarei was ripped from Mangetsu's hands, and the older shinobi rushed forward, dragging his bandaged greatsword through his opponent's body. Mangetsu collapsed into a puddle of water. "No fair, senpai," burbled the puddle with a whine, and the Hōzuki's liquefied head surfaced from the water, a watery arm grasping a bottle following it. After several seconds of sucking the bottle's straw, the white-haired boy stood whole once more, reattaching the container to his belt. "You took all the chakra I'd put into Hiramekarei."

"Life's not fair," Kisame remarked. "Remember that, _kōhai._ "

Mangetsu grinned at his comrade's sarcasm. "You would know, senpai."

Kisame's beady eyes seemed to stare straight through his junior. _I do._ "You'd think you'd know to watch out for Samehada, since you've used it before."

"Only when you and Fuguki-senpai weren't, which almost never happened."

"Tough luck. And don't pout, it's demeaning."

"Yay, Same won!"

Both swordsmen looked over to find a blond child toddling over to them. It had been just over three years since Naruto had been kidnapped from the Hidden Leaf and placed within Kiri's custody, and true to his word, Kisame had kept an eye on the foreigner.

At first it had been an idle task – relegated to the village proper, he really hadn't had anything better to do than follow Madara's orders. But then Samehada, as prickly with those who weren't its primary wielder as a semi-sentient sword could get, had started growing fond of the babe, and Kisame had almost been forced to show up more and more frequently to acquiesce to his blade's desire. It was the Kyūbi's chakra circulating in the child's system that drew the weapon in, he assumed, because there was no other reason for the greatsword to become so attached to another person, let alone a foreign baby.

The apparent affection between sword and child had eventually turned into a two-way road as Naruto had grown older, and then forked beyond that, the blond finding some strange sense of attachment to Kisame. Used to terrifying the daylights out of most people with his blue skin, dark blue hair, teeth sharpened to resemble those of a shark's, gills, and six-foot-one muscular frame, Kisame hadn't known how to accept such need; he'd never engaged in anything even remotely resembling a relationship, nor did he possess any fatherly instincts, his own parents having died early in the Third Shinobi World War.

But as his restlessness within Kirigakure had grown, he'd sought out Mangetsu to test his mettle against and relieve his boredom. And then, more recently, Naruto had started accompanying him of his own volition. The first time it had happened, he'd been surprised (yet curious) at the shadow, the blond having followed from his caretaker's place after Kisame's normal visit.

Somehow, the fact that Naruto had found it funny when Kisame's elbow had smashed through Mangetsu's watery chest hadn't been nearly as disconcerting as it had been unexpected; enjoying violence was practically a requirement for the shinobi of the Hidden Mist, but for a three-year-old, and a foreigner at that? It was…unusual.

As a result, he'd continued to allow the young Jinchūriki to follow him, increasingly curious to see how he acclimated to the village's way of life.

Mangetsu spared him a wry smirk. "Hey, senpai, does it bother you that you still don't know if he's talking 'bout you or Samehada?"

"Dunno. Does it bug you that you're a bad role model for your brother?" he shot back.

"Aniki, what happened?"

Between his white hair and purple eyes, Suigetsu was the spitting image of his older brother, though still possessed with the petulance of youth. Eight months older than Naruto, he meandered behind the blond, expression distinctly pouty. Kisame briefly wondered how much of the boy's personality was inherited and how much was manufactured after the sibling he idolized. Mangetsu placed a hand on the boy's head and tousled his snow-colored locks. "Ahh, just a little slip-up, Sui-chan. I'll kick his ass next time, don't worry." He liquefied his hand then, allowing water to stream down the younger Hōzuki's hair and face; Suigetsu swatted at his brother's arm with an annoyed scowl while Mangetsu just smirked in good humor.

Kisame watched, yellow eyes wide in anticipation for the challenge. "Heh, don't make promises you can't keep, _kōhai._ " He looked down when there was a tug at his pants, finding wide blue eyes staring up at him. "What?"

"Up."

"No way, shrimp." Naruto whimpered, and Kisame crouched down to get closer to his level; even then, the blond's head only came to his torso. He flashed a sharp-toothed grin at the Jinchūriki, an expression which most grown shinobi would find terrifying – probably because it was the last thing many of them ever saw – but which Naruto merely stared at with watery eyes. "Rewards need to be earned. That's the harsh truth of this world."

 _One of them, anyway._

Naruto's expression turned thoughtful, as much as it could be considering his age. "How?"

Kisame blinked. _Fair question_. He looked over to Mangetsu, who seemed to be giving Suigetsu a noogie; apparently the younger Hōzuki couldn't yet liquefy his body like his clan was known for. It would come with time, as Suigetsu was trained to be a Kiri-nin by both his clan and the village, but Naruto was destined to be sacrificed to Madara's twisted machinations.

 _Unless…heh, screw it._ It wasn't like the Uchiha had prohibited him from training the blond, and even if he had, Kisame was just a little tired of taking orders he didn't fully understand. This would be his own way of rebelling. "Hey," he called, getting the Hōzuki pair's attention. "What say we give these two a head start on bein' shinobi, eh?"

Mangetsu grinned at him, showing two rows of sharp teeth the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen considered part of their induction ritual. "I like the way you think, senpai."

-l-l-l-

 **Author's Note:** Just a little something to tide people over while I struggle with _Devil's Advocate_. I guess I'm "that Akatsuki guy" now. I actually have a lot of ideas for this story in particular, so it'll probably get updates as I find inspiration. It'll be fun to explore the inner workings of the Hidden Mist.


End file.
